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ellestraOriginally written 2014-07-08
Terry Pratchett has announced that he will not attend of the International Discworld Convention in Manchester:
Every time I think of his work and read his books I find myself stuck between denial and fear. The books keep coming so I can pretend everything is OK but every new information about Alzheimer progressing - inability to write so he dictates his books, now this makes me think about how little time we might have left. Both these reactions are actually coming from the same place. I've always feared neurodegenerative diseases more than anything else. The thought of losing myself scares me more than any horror cancer has to offer and makes me completely sympatise with Pratchett's fight for availability of euthanasia for terminally sick people. There is a thin line between staying as long as possible and still being able to decide things like this and if you cannot count on other people following your wishes and helping you make it stop. I think I would try to commit suicide while I still could and I fear that that would be much earlier than I would really need to and that this is a really bad state of mind to be living in. So thinking about it makes me feel depressed and angry so I try to not to. And of course it's easy with a person you don't really know or meet every day. But I do care about him (I love his books and he was always very nice to fan both in my own experience and everyone else) so I hope he is going to be OK and stay with us for a while still.
PS. This was first (mostly) written a month before Robin Williams death. As I understand in his case there was also an issue of his financial problems and the drugs for Parkinson's worsening his depression. His Parkinson's disease was in early stages and that usually means years before it progresses but I understand this feeling of hopelessness as the very thought of such diagnosis makes me thing of tall buildings and when depression gets into the mix you can't see any bright sides. So I wish there was more help with dealing with terrifying inevitability of progression of these diseases and not just medicating it. But all is left now is remembering all the joy he brought countless people and hope he enjoyed at least some of it as much as we did.
Terry Pratchett has announced that he will not attend of the International Discworld Convention in Manchester:
I have been putting off writing this announcement for quite some time and on good days thought I wouldn't have to write it at all," wrote the author. "I am very sorry about this, but I have been dodging the effects of PCA and have been able to write for much longer than any of us ever thought possible, but now The Embuggerance is finally catching up with me, along with other age-related ailments.
Every time I think of his work and read his books I find myself stuck between denial and fear. The books keep coming so I can pretend everything is OK but every new information about Alzheimer progressing - inability to write so he dictates his books, now this makes me think about how little time we might have left. Both these reactions are actually coming from the same place. I've always feared neurodegenerative diseases more than anything else. The thought of losing myself scares me more than any horror cancer has to offer and makes me completely sympatise with Pratchett's fight for availability of euthanasia for terminally sick people. There is a thin line between staying as long as possible and still being able to decide things like this and if you cannot count on other people following your wishes and helping you make it stop. I think I would try to commit suicide while I still could and I fear that that would be much earlier than I would really need to and that this is a really bad state of mind to be living in. So thinking about it makes me feel depressed and angry so I try to not to. And of course it's easy with a person you don't really know or meet every day. But I do care about him (I love his books and he was always very nice to fan both in my own experience and everyone else) so I hope he is going to be OK and stay with us for a while still.
PS. This was first (mostly) written a month before Robin Williams death. As I understand in his case there was also an issue of his financial problems and the drugs for Parkinson's worsening his depression. His Parkinson's disease was in early stages and that usually means years before it progresses but I understand this feeling of hopelessness as the very thought of such diagnosis makes me thing of tall buildings and when depression gets into the mix you can't see any bright sides. So I wish there was more help with dealing with terrifying inevitability of progression of these diseases and not just medicating it. But all is left now is remembering all the joy he brought countless people and hope he enjoyed at least some of it as much as we did.
